I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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