I wish I could teleport
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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