He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Found the puke drawer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
