i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
