Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
