It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
