I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So much rum. So many feels.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
