You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
