I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
