he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
