Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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