Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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