Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
