I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
