Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My bed smells like the plague
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
