He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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