i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
