ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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