I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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