apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
