worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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