That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
