Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
