Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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