the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
