you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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