tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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