Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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