So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
