I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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