apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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