I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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