There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
