idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
