And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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