I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
