i just wanna soil my oats bro
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this just has baby written all over it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
