Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
