Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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