when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
