At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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