Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Less talking, more tequila
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
