U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
