I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
