There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
