i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
