I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
