i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
