Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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