booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
