let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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