In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
