I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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