Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
