Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He kissed a someone with a penis
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
