it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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