The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
