I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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