Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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