Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
