So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think your dad took our porno
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm both gender and math confused
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
