the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
