this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
