He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
