There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
