I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They are going to name an STD after you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be