it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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