Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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