My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
