somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
