did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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