You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
