Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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